I’m sorry in advance that this turned into a dissertation but a lot of these things have been on my mind for a while now.
A lot has been said in here about why adult themes are sometimes acceptable and sometimes not, about where such a thing should be allowed and so forth. Without rehashing it all, I’d just like to voice my full support for the reviews to remain in the public forum. The blatant and sudden derails should stop, we’ve all done it, we all need to do better.
It can be a lot trickier to police an occasional bit of sauciness in an otherwise straight laced thread or the natural progression of one topic blending into another. This is where I hope to focus my thoughts but coming from an angle that, near as I can tell, has only been touched upon. It needs to be stated bluntly.
If this comes off as if I’m some kind of know-it-all or ass kisser and that’s not my intention. It’s just that so many people treat mods like the baby sitter/fairy godmother/concierge and it’s not right. It’s pissing me off.
How many people have been PMing the mods anyway? No, these mods you’re pestering haven’t outted you, I know that you’re doing it because I know how this shit goes down. I’ve been a mod before on a site that was intended for adults (too many of whom acted like 5yr olds) and I see the same exact patterns happening here. You may feel like your opinion will be met with hostility if you post it here but as long as you’re respectful, it’s the other guy/girl acting hostile that’s causing a problem, not you. Post your issues here, publicly or hush your mouth about it. If a mod tells you to do something, like “no PMs about this” they have a reason. Do what they tell you whether it’s in the pinned rules or not.
On the matter of “trickier to police” mentioned above. When you see your fellow forumite posting something saucy or off topic, it doesn’t have to be a hostile situation to give a gentle nudge back in the right direction. “lol TMI buddy!” or “eye bleach!” With a little (even if you’re not laughing) it’s a non-hostile way to give a reminder. If someone gives you such a reminder you don’t have to be defensive about it, we can all edit our own posts. This doesn’t have to be pissing contest of who’s right or wrong. You certainly do not need to go running off to the mods to tattle unless it’s graphic and the person won’t change it. We should be able to handle it among ourselves 99% of the time.
Natural drift can happen and it isn’t always a bad thing, it’s how we bond and get to know each other. Some of the best convos I’ve been in here started as a mixing question and ended up with five other subjects getting covered that broadened my knowledge and my love for this forum. It’s natural to go from Marshmallow, to a toasted flavoring, to a smores recipe, to chocolates and additives to smooth out throat hit. That’s not off topic. If the original question wasn’t answered, answer it and tag the OP to be sure they see it! Don’t go running to the mods demanding a split into five different topics. We can split our own too if you really think it’s warranted.
About civility and the rules…. Too many times as a mod, I saw people using the sharpest interpretation of the written rules as a vendetta to flag a post or run to the mods every time their arch enemy deviated one little drop. Stop doing that! Yes, I know people are doing it. No, none of the mods have told me, they don’t have to. Then… and mods tell me I’m wrong if I am…when the mods refuse to enforce your interpretation of the rules you accuse them of favoritism. Nah…sunshine, that’s crap. You don’t interpret the rules, they do. Sit down!
There are other times that I’ve seen, both in the past and recently on here, where a particularly toxic member has baited and slighted, thrown low key digs and arrows at multiple people month after month all technically within the rules. Then one of their victims, who is normally kind and helpful in every other way, snaps back at the toxic person with some verbal abuse. The mods see who the real perpetrator is, they’ve been dealing with complaints for months now but most people don’t see the bigger picture or they don’t notice it. It’s perfectly justified for the mods to clean up the bad comments, hand out a warning to the person who snapped and not ban them, even though they are the ones who technically broke the rules. It’s not just sweeping shit under the rug and covering for their favorite people. There’s far more going on here than what it looks like on the surface. My point here is to illustrate, it’s no one else’s place to second guess the decisions the mods make. We, the general public have no idea all the things our mods know that we do not.
I’ve seen a lot of tyrannical, power mad mods all over the net. Such mods are not here. Jojo and Ken have bent over backwards to be fair to everyone. Far too many people think “fair” means banning who you say, deleting what you don’t like, etc. No, it means doing what’s best in the long run for the entire community. You’re not going to get everything you want and neither am I, sorry.
TLDR? Stop pestering our mods over every petty little thing! They’re not baby sitters!