Been through a lot of doctors over this disorder. Lot of quacks. Hard to find one that’ll dole out the drugs AND listen. One day at work, China had just been allowed into the WTO. (Still think that was a mistake.) Meant they had to use 256 bit encryption over networks. I reported to the CFO and told him what with all the businesses they owned in China he could save a half million $$$ a year if we went with VPN’s.
Thought the dude was gonna make love to me, he was so stoked. Told the wife about it 'cuz I was so stoked. Next day I found a $20,000 bonus on my desk… Few days later, I’m trying to merge onto a busy expressway and some ass, pulled around the right of me, cut’s me, looking back at me and I could see him laughing. Presumably about cutting me off. Pissed me off. What pissed me off more where the 2 5 or 6 year old kids bouncing around. No seat belts.
Week or so later, still pissed at the world, I told the wife that it seems like the higher I get on life, the lower I get on reality. Light bulb above her head went on. We went and talked to our doctor about things, he sent me to a psychologist, she sent me to a psychiatrist who gave me Paxel. <sp?> SSRI. Killed our sex life. Put me on Celexa I think it was. I asked about titration, because she slowly ramped me up saying it takes time to get into my blood stream. I Asked if I needed to go off of one slowly before ramping up the new one. Nope. Same family.
I didn’t care who, I just wanted to tear someone or something to shreds. Preferably her. She’s fired. I mean, I’ve been angry many a time, but damn! That’s like normally 0, the up to 50, then -50, ya know?
I’d been telling every doctor I never met since my 20’s that I’d get these “dizzy spells”. They lasted maybe 10 minutes tops, but say I’m a the grocery store, looking at the line a canned foods, and my brain wasn’t keeping up with my vision. Every f’n one of them acted like I had a zipper across my mouth.
Next one. Told her the same thing. Said it was anxiety and put me on Ativan. I’m like, those symptoms will pass long before that shit kicks in. Damn zipper on my face again. At least this one didn’t go for the SSRI’s and decided I’m bi-polar. Put me on Wellbutrin. Week later, at a co-workers house one late evening, I felt a dizzy spell coming on. WAY worse than ever. Sat down next to the couch and put my head on my arms like I was gonna go to sleep in school. Again.
Dude comes in and asked if I was okay. No, says I. Want me to call an ambulance? Yes. Came to with a voice asking if I was okay. What? Who is that? I can’t see anything. See some dim light bouncing in my eyes. Slowly my vision clears and there’s a paramedic asking me what day it is. What month, year… I don’t know, I don’t know. Right after an election. Asks who the president was. With as much disdain as I could muster, I says, “Obama!”
Turns out, Wellbutrin can cause seizures. Doc says, well, you’ve been having mild seizures. Onward went the search for someone with a clue.
Next doc. Had me on something that required prescriptions in triplicates or something. Don’t recall. Go to the pharmacy, they’d whine that the signature was not the same as the rest of the script and refused to fill it. Back and forth… Went in for an appointment, and like any good psychopath I can charm, baby! Got to chatting up the young gals, asking what it’s like working for him, and they mentioned the camera’s watching them. They actually had someone come in and check for hidden camera’s in the bathroom!
Boss wasn’t in yet. Asked if they had triplicate scripts per-signed. Gave me one. Took it. Showed the wife. 40 year ER nurse. Told me to contact the board of medicine. Ass holes office was closed 4 months later. Do NOT mess with me!
Next one says, you have seizures and you’re bi-polar. There’s a medicine called Lamictal that treats seizures, as well as being a mood stabilizer. Wanna try that? Why do they ask that? Wanna try that. Screw covering your ass, cover mine. In the immortal words of Joe Walsh, “Life’s been good to me since then…” Okay, a little liberty with the lyrics… 500 mg a day. It takes that much to keep my wife from killing me. Nurse. She could do it 'ya know? Wouldn’t leave a trace. Not as good a plan I had for my mother, but 'm sure she’d get away with it.
All this to say, don’t give up. Keep looking for doctors with hearing aids. If they don’t have a personality/sense of humor, move on! Dunno about your insurance, but mine said it’s cheaper to find help, than to keep paying for prescriptions that don’t work.
One I have now says she sets 15 minutes aside for my visits (every three months) to bull shit around and listen to my (dirty) jokes. She never tells me any jokes, but I can tell her laughter is genuine. Seriously. If they have a personality, they care. They listen. They love what they do and they love people. KEEP SEARCHING!!!
Never had a sense of humor myself. Until that Lamictal came along. Now? People tell me they’ll see me on Netflix. Don’t drive. Taking a city buss to a Dr.'s appointment. Sitting in the back joking with a passenger, next thing I know, I’m getting louder because I had EVERY ones attention. Someone said I should be a stand up comedian. My response? What, standing on stage waiting for a bunch of f’n ass holes to laugh at something I say? They ALL busted a gut! I call you all ass holes and you laugh? And I can get paid for that? Hello, Don Rickles.
Said it before, I’ll say it again. 81 going on 13. My mind might be deteriorating, but it’s still quick. Come visit. I’ll sit on my porch dipping the butt of a cigar in my Bloody Mary, while you consume nothing. You’ll be too busy ROTFL. I dunno, wife says I’m finally the real me.
Wife was driving one time. Some obvious gang banger was driving a Scion. One of those box cutter whatever the F’s. Rolled down my window, told the wife to tap the horn. He looked over and I did the, Roll down the window motion. He did, I said. “Hey, if you fart in that thing, is it a box cutter?” Light turned green she floored it telling me I could get us killed. While she’s laughing her ass off. Looked back and all I saw was confusion.
TF am I getting at now? I know a little after 20 years of Bi-polar… Little more after 80 years of living. Ask your Dr. about Lamictal. Mood stabilizer. Can’t hurt. LOVE to talk more about PTSD. Message me if you wanna talk. Any time. Hell, I’ll give you my Phone #. Talking helps.
Keep a stiff upper lip, as the British would say.
21700 dual batteries last me 2 to 3 days, where 18650s lasted me about half a day.
and the advertisement of vaping or products is illegal 
