Welcome to the ELR Treehouse - Dads Only. Ew no girls …get otta here! Kooties! Kooties!
Ok the coast is clear …just us Dads. The time is now to start setting up your Fathers day with some final …subtle hints. For all we do all year long this is our DAY. It’s not a day of celebration it’s a day OF PAYBACK!
Let’s get started shall we? Ok first, start a conversation with the Mrs. “I’m really looking forward to some breakfast in bed this Sunday” You can expect two responses. Either she rolls her eyes and says “oh reeally?” or she gives you an evil grin and that come hither look, which is how all this started. If she gives you that look the conversation is over. Stop talking. You can only unsell at this point.
If she’s an eyeroller… well, time to suggest your favorite breakfast menu. But be evilly creative with stuff she’ll have to go to like 5 stores to find. “Oh yeah I’d love a crispy Belgian Waffle with Lingonberry jam some home fries, soft boiled quail eggs and some crispy fried pancetta (Italian bacon) I love you honey, but your eyes are gonna stick if you keep doing that…”
Those damn kids …ungrateful. Hey remind them that you can’t wait to spend some time with them you love them so much …and then drop some hints. “Oh you don’t have to buy me anything, I’d be glad if you just did something nice like clean out the garage …mow the lawn …take out the trash …wash the dog…” you get the idea.
Also smart to schedule that early while “while it’s cool outside” as my Dad used to say, translation while mommy is giving you “breakfast”. Hey? The day has just begun! Rule #1 don’t lift a finger. Breakfast in bed is followed by lunch in front of the TV/computer … 'Oh could you bring me a sandwich? Oh you know what sounds good? …an Italian Sub from that place downtown [insert frosty beverage request here].
While Mom and the kids are heading downtown to pickup your Dad sandwich, check the movies at the local theater online. Peruse all the movies your wifie and kids would love to see… because we’re not going to any of those …unless its actually the one you really want to see. Might as well cement the deal and buy tickets online now …no backing out now, no going over to your sister-in-laws for dinner …sweet!
After the movie tell the kids “hey lets not go to dinner lets get like a ton of ice cream and toppings…” because there’s nothing kids like better than ice cream …well maybe ticking off Mom …whose iris are now permanently stuck in an upwards position “Ok Mr. Man we can’t have ice cream for dinner…” the kids respond “Oh oHoHohOHH come on Mom!!!” and you calmly state “My day my call…” decision made.
You are the King …well until midnight …but that’s four hours away and nothing knocks kids out faster than 4 bowls of icecream iyaknowwhatImsayin’ Ok ok be quiet here they come! [high fiving]
Ok girls you can come in now …what@?! we weren’t talking about anything?! JeeeeeeezLouise~ so paranoid… HapPy FaThErs DaY!