The Quotes of Steven Wright:
1 - I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists – they don’t expect it back.
3 - Half the people you know are below average.
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, … But she left me before we met.
12 - OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
13 - How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
14 - If everythng seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16 - When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
19 - I intend to live forever … So far, so good.
20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
22 - What happens if you get scard half to death twice?
23 - My mechanic told me, “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name
25 - If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27 - Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarsm; to steal from many is research.
30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.
32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don’t have film.
34 - If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
#15 is true and #35 is no 
Well, maybe they would work but you wouldn’t notice.
He is a legend for his wit and delivery. He seems like a comedian’s comedian. Thanks for this post. Made my day.
Have you ever shared something you were excited about with loved ones or a success you’ve achieved only to be met with a hurtful comment of some sort? This quote summed it up for me and makes a lot of sense.
So, so true. That’s why we have to instill hope in the intelligent ones and educate the stupid ones 
“A self made man is about as likely as a self laid egg.” - Mark Twain
I get daily quotes landing in my inbox and this precipitously landed an hour ago. The quote was originally made in the 1970s.
Wisdom for Modern Life by Daisaku Ikeda
I’ve suggested that the twenty-first be named the Century of Women. Women have the wisdom and strength to lead society in the direction of good, of hope and of peace. In expanding his own non-violence movement, Gandhi greatly relied on women. He said it is women who can teach pacific learning to a world that, while engaged in hostilities, nonetheless thirsts for the sweet dew of peace.
Seriously? Like Hillary Clinton, Madeleine albright, Kackala Harris and the likes.
God help us all!
I’ve never been a big Gandhi fan either. He used emotional blackmail instead of violence. I rather get punched in the face.
Anyway, favourite quote:
Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
Churchill.
One bad apple don’t spoil the whole bunch. I don’t condemn all male leaders because Bill Gates is male. Generally women as a group have been the first to stand up for the disenfranchised. How many countries have or had women as leaders? Enough to point out that the US never has. I personally think Harris has a healthy laugh. Show me a clip of her kackling that isn’t AI generated. But then that could just be personal opinion or miserable people who hate happy people. I don’t give a flying fuck about her laughter. I want to know what kind of job she’ll do as a president of the US. Every other circle jerk has had a chance.
Lets just agree to disagree on this one girl. Showing clips or discussing the job she would do as president will land us in the doghouse with Fiddy.
That’s fine with me, I’m an open person who is willing to learn about all the angles and opinions from others without losing my own identity or cool. As long as someone has a valid argument based in reality, I’m open to hearing it. Fiddy not needed
“You have no control over other people’s taste, so focus on staying true to your own.” – Tim Gunn.
Probably the most apropos quote for this forum 
“That men do not learn very much from the lessons of history is the most important of all the lessons that history has to teach.”—Aldous Huxley
Amen to that
“If you don’t know, ask. You’ll be a fool for a moment, but a wise man for the rest of your life.” - Seneca