I LOVE that song!!
Back When a skateboard was under my feet every waking moment.
You know what, Stuart, I LIKE YOU. Youâre not like the other
People, here, in the trailer park.
Oh, donât go get me wrong. Theyâre fine people, theyâre
Good Americans. But theyâre content to sit back, maybe
Watch a little Mork and Mindy on channel 57, maybe kick
Back a cool, Coors 16-ouncer. Theyâre good, fine people,
Stuart. But they donât know ⌠what the queers are doing
To the soil!
You know that Jonny Wurster kid, the kid that delivers papers
In the neighborhood. Heâs a foreign kid. Some of the neighbors
Say he smokes crack, but I donât believe it.
Anyway, for his tenth birthday, all he wanted was a Burrow Owl.
Kept bugging his old man. âDad, get me a burrow owl. Iâll never
Ask for anything else as long as I live.â So the guy
Breaks down and buys him a burrow owl.
Anyway, 10:30, the other night, I go out in my yard, and thereâs
The Wurster kid, looking up in the tree. I say, âWhat are
You looking for?â He says "Iâm looking for my burrow owl."
I say, âJumping Jesus on a Pogo Stick. Everybody knows
The burrow owl lives. In a hole. In the ground. Why the hell do you
Think they call it a burrow owl, anyway?â Now Stuart, do you
Think a kid like that is going to know what the queers are
Doing to the soil?
I first became aware of this about ten years ago, the summer
My oldest boy, Bill Jr. died. You know that carnival comes into
Town every year? Well this year they came through with a ride
Called The Mixer. The man said, âKeep your head, and arms, inside
The Mixer at all times.â But Bill Jr, he was a DAAAREDEVIL, just
Like his old man. He was leaning out saying âHey everybody,
Look at me! Look at me!â Pow! He was decapitated! They found
His head over by the snow cone concession.
A few days after that, I open up the mail. And thereâs a pamphlet
In there. From Pueblo, Colorado, and itâs addressed to Bill, Jr.
And itâs entitled, "Do you know what the queers are doing to our
Soil?"
Now, Stuart, if you look at the soil around any large US city,
Thereâs a big undeground homosexual population. Des Moines, Iowa,
For an example. Look at the soil around Des Moines, Stuart.
You canât build on it; you canât grow anything in it. The government
Says itâs due to poor farming. But I know whatâs really going on,
Stuart. I know itâs the queers. Theyâre in it with the aliens.
Theyâre building landing strips for gay Martians, I swear to
God.
You know what, Stuart, I like you. Youâre not like the other
People, here in this trailer park.
Reacquainting yourself with your playlist tonight VM?
Iâm not saying thatâs a bad thing, I did the same last night 
Yep! And my playlist is Xtina!! 
So youâre all the way down to the Xs already?
Its been a long night!
