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Can't Sleep

Ugh having a bad time tonight… Feeling really not tired and very restless, and somethings up with my breathing… Feels like i am just not getting enough oxygen or something when i lay down to sleep… And of course google just says im going to die, so… Here i am. Wide awake at 2:00am.
I think it is just high stress getting to me… Job search and unemployment since being fired for attendance even tho it was days missed on doctors orders… Note and all… Didnt matter.
My girlfriend and I have not been getting along the greatest… Lots of fighting lately. Lot of things said that cant be unsaid and it sucks… Idk… Been super depressed, and having some god awful mood swings… I scheduled an appointment with a mental health clinic even, because my girlfriend insists i am just crazy now… But earliest theyll be able to see me is next tuesday.
Have a job interview tomorrow but im not going to get my hopes up.
I guess i just feel trapped in a bad situation, surrounded by people that dont really even want me around anymore.
There really wasnt much point to this post except to openly complain and vent some of my stress and frustrations… So i guess feel free to do the same or whatever lol…

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Sounds to me like a bout of hyperventilation.

I’ve been through that when times were pretty bad, even the walls would close in on me. I would go outside but the world would do the same thing. Times change, good times don’t last for ever, neither do bad times, but that’s little consolation when you’re going through them.

The only thing they usually do is dope you up on some pharmaceutical shit that turns you into a zombie. When I realised that and wanted to quit taking the shit they really weren’t happy about it. I was more stubborn than they were and went ahead anyway and glad I did so.
What you really need is some peace and quiet, some solitude to sit down with yourself and get things sorted in your head. I know that’s a luxury most cannot afford nowadays, work, work, work. I was extremely lucky, they just put me on disability so I did have the time to do it, took me 12 years before I had sorted myself out enough to have the confidence to go out into the big, wide, scary world again. I’m still on my own time, they leave me alone and I do stuff as a volunteer. It helps that I’m quite a bit older than you, people my age are deemed useless anyway so they don’t bother bugging me anymore. :grinning:

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Brother, you want a shitty end to a great beginning…come live in my shoes.
You are young and have mucho time to make life what you can in a positive way…
at my age, you are pretty well forced to live with what you fukn have !
Yep, I have a spouse that lives as far away from me in our big home as she possibly can,
and still expects I cook for her each day…nope, no microwave is allowed in this house [per my rules]
everything is cooked from scratch.
I’ll trade your miserable life for mine…you want it, I will bring it to you.
I never thought I would spend the end days of my life with no one to cuddle with…that is the
absolute worst thing that can happen when you get old. Don’t believe me, try it in 50 years.
You have the power, the youth, etc. to make sure that never happens.
Do it. If you don’t, remember I told you so.
I, too, have been up all night, damn sure not worrying about her, she is comfortably sleeping…
I am doctoring one of my cats, Lucy, that has been true to me for 19yrs…
Jobs come and go, true friendships last. You are my friend and I hope it lasts until I die.
Go tear ass on a job hunt, you have done it before. Let no one bring you down, or discourage you.

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Ugh, sorry to hear that, man. Sending lots of kick ass vibes to ya for your interview today!!! Good luck! :four_leaf_clover:

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Change it, Mike.

I pray for you.

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I’m sorry to hear that, I hope she’ll be fine and send hugs and good vibes your direction.

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Thanks all… I eventually drifted out to sleep, or some semblance of it anyway… I know its probably a bit of an eye roller for the older folks who have already done and experienced all 10" of lifes ****… Just sucks when every penny goes to someone whos not being very appreciative and acts as if theyre the only one allowed to get sick or be in pain… Then have the nerve to blame that all on me anyway… Because, if nothing else, its just easier to blame the one already struggling.

Me too. You all are my friends… Even though i dont know you all in person, I still feel closer to many of you here than I do the ones in my daily life… Most people i am stuck dealing with at the moment are anything but friends… Theyre just a Bunch of two faced liars and backstabbers…

Thanks… I need all the good vibes I can get…

I plan to avoid that as best I can. I will be requesting blood tests to check some levels to see what is imbalanced specifically so I can try to stick to natural suppliments as opposed to just getting a hefty dose of xanax and sent away… I refuse to just take a random medication so if i go in and they just start shoving pills in my face, i will most definitely speak up or walk out. I will force them to do their job and actually find tge problem rather than just bury it.

I have been trying to improve my situation non stop, just, apparently the universe doesn’t think it should quite yet. I never stopped trying, despite the depression, anxiety, and anger… I just want to be better and feel somewhat normal again so i can live happy and not just feel like everyone hates me and it is really hard to stay motivated while feeling like that, because a large part of my motivation is to be a better man for my girlfriend… But then the fighting and constant belittling makes me think… “Whats the point, she doesnt want me anymore anyway, im just a loser and failure”. I battle that daily…
I just got some 5htp suppliments to try taking daily, hoping it will improve my mood some… But its too early to tell, yet.

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Sorry to hear of your dilemma, hope everything works out for you.
I’m 55 years old and married to my 2nd wife that I love now for 24 years, and there is no time to waste if your in a bad relationship to get out. With the world as F##$% up as it is you need to be happy and stress free if possible.

GO FISHING

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Im not going to throw in the towel on the relationship just yet… I guess im just the type to ‘go down with the ship’, but i still have hope… I, or better yet, we (girlfriend and I) really just need a break from all the stress to just reboot and recoop some… We went for a pretty awesone hike/climb the other day that was pretty relaxing and pleasant… I think we just really need more outdoors and nature in our lives again like when we first met… Winter just really took it out of us i think, all work no play as her medical issues make it so she doesnt do so well in the cold or wet times… Now summer is upon us and the mountains are calling.

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Our hike/climb to Suicide Rock. Located at the base of Parley’s Canyon, about 20minutes drive from Salt Lake City, UT. It is a place many go, and tag/vandalize/art whichever you consider it… a majority is dumb and I wish people didn’t deface nature with such stupid things, but some is artistic and as a whole, it makes for a very unique experience still.
Here are some photos I took from the adventure…


Here is the far view of Suicide Rock, as we walked the trail toward it.

View upward from the base of it as we began our climb

The view from the top.

And, us together, actually happy and enjoying life for a change :slight_smile:
this is just what we need more of… :slight_smile:

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I’m kind of in the same situation. I lost my job due to attendance issues, when it was directly related to a severe illness for which I was being treated by a doctor. What was really screwy was that one day I was very sick, but I knew there was work to be done, and I texted my supervisor who said, and I quote, “Don’t come in if you’re sick”. So I didn’t. Then the next day I arrived at work to find I was terminated for not having come in the day before. Crazy.

Since then, my partner nags me non-stop about finding a job (which I’ve been trying my best to do), and often makes me feel like less than a worthy human being. The thing is, he’s blind, and hardly does anything for himself, so I do all the shopping, all the cooking, all the cleaning, I take care of his banking, his business affairs, his e-mail correspondence, and so on, so I feel like I already have a job just taking care of him, and I’m still not in the best of health. Also, this is not a young relationship - we’ve been together for 21 years.

The funny thing is, back when I had a good paying job, and he refused to do even jobs he could do, his response was, “well someone has to earn the money; it might as well be you”.

If I were your age, I’d probably be looking for a way out. At my age, I just look for a way to deal with it.

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I don’t want to find a way out, I want to find a way to be better. For Us to be better as a couple still. Like i said, i ain’t ready to throw in the towel, and the last few days have been better, so its a step in the right direction just hope we can maintain that momentum. I have an second interview for a much better position today with the regional vp, and my gf wants to go visit the horses at the equestrian park today, so we will be out spending some time together doing that sometime today.
That is tough taking care of someone to such an extent and still being nagged for more, sort of how ive been feeling, as she always is sick or in pain or disoriented etc and i have to help, even whwn it gets me yelled at.

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Understood. I was just relaying my own feelings at the moment. We have our good times, too.

I love the last two photos of you two, by the way.

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Don’t feel bad for being young. We all go through things - triumphs, failures, joy and pain. But there’s a good thing you can learn now while you are young, and that is life’s too short to spend it with an asshole. Hope I don’t offend you, but you want to experience happiness? Find someone who loves you and will look at you in your eyes and say I can’t imagine my life without you in it. Or maybe @ozo said it best…

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Lol it goes up and down… One minute that is exactly how we are, the next we are saying basically opposite lol… I think we have a pretty bipolar relationship. One minute madly in love, next we wish we never met… But the negatives are just overreactions and both of us always feel bad afterward for letting it get so out of hand

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Yeah i hope the good times continue to out number the bad like they used to. I think we just hit a tough rut and stress got the best of us.
Thanks i like them pics too :slight_smile: reminds me why i don’t give up on it…

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When people first see me and my wife together they don’t know what to think. At any moment we may pop off at each other with the most hideous remark imaginable. I don’t know how we got this way but we never stay angry for more than a few minutes. When our son was going through cancer treatments it was a different story…that level of stress can drive a wedge between even the most inseparable of couples. But normal, daily life…just say what’s on our minds and get over it. I guess that approach doesn’t work with many couples, but the truth is - I wouldn’t have it any other way. My first wife was sooooo easily offended and I would feel like I had to walk on eggshells to keep the peace. That’s no life! I would ten times rather have my wife call me a bald, fat hairy piece of shit then sit down beside me in 5 minutes and kiss me on the cheek. You see…reading that it seems so strange and abnormal, but living it? Well let’s just say we don’t stress the small shit and I recommend that to everyone.

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After 40 years, I do my thing which my wife hates… she does her thing which I hate… and we do our thing and it’s like it was 40 years ago, so it all works out. I don’t think either of us would make it without the other.

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This is exactly how we do things ( coming up on 29 years together )
and it drives our adult kids crazy. They think we don’t like or can’t
stand each other. Just the opposite; I have never loved her more.
It is like when you select an artist on Pandora, you JUST KNOW THE NEXT
SONG IS GOING TO BE GREAT! Relax and enjoy the ride…:grinning:

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Hope you coped with this not really easy period of your life.Because I found myself in this problem. Each day I can’t sleep, but because was having dreams that turn me crazy. I don’t know,I go to pieces.

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