Come on Clowny - Tell us a Joke

General The Pub
21

A gummy bear

1 Like
22

A winner
Lol

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23

A guy is walking down the street and he see’s someone jumping up and down on a manhole cover and every time he jumps he says 16, jump 16 jump 16 so this guy stops and watches him for a few minutes. Finally he asks what’s the significance of 16 the says that it is his spiritual number and the more he says it the better he feels. So the guy asks him how do you find your spiritual number. He is told that it is the number of bills he has in his left pocket right now and he has to give them away after he counts them. the reaches in his pocket and pulls out a wad of bills counts the and there are 34 bills he shoves them in the other guys hand and says here take these as my gift to you and let me try that jumping thing. He starts jumping on the manhole saying 34 after about the third jump the first guy reaches in and pulls the cover out of the way, the guy falls down into the sewer. The first guy puts the manhole cover back on and starts jumping and saying 17, 17,17,

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24

Just out of curiosity how off color can these jokes get before I get in trouble? I know a lot of them but most I’m leary of printing here.

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25

You’ll find out when they are flagged :grinning:
Punishment for a flagged post is vaping assjuice for a week :smiling_imp:

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26

Now i wanna know them lol

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27

Yeah, @GPC2012 let’s see em. I won’t flag an inappropriate joke! :wink:

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28

Yo wenchie do we get in trouble for telling a joke with the F bomb in it?

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29

Incoming PM mikey

30

OK here’s one for everybody

Two guys walked into a bar the third one ducked

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31

A guy goes into hospital for a sex change and gets a visit from a friend after the operation. The ex-guy is groaning in pain and his friend is dying to find out what the operation was like. It must’ve hurt when they made the tits he says. No says the ex-guy, it was nothing. So I bet cutting off your dick and making the vagina was total agony. No man, says the ex-guy, that was a piece of cake. But why are you in so much pain, asks his friend in puzzlement, I mean if it wasn’t the tits or the dick what’s hurting you so much? Ex-guy answers, shrinking the brains and making the mouth bigger.

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32

Hopefully not, I’ve dropped a few f bombs around the forums already!

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33

Hey Mikey where’d you go, did I scare you off?

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34

I gotta go water some plants before it gets too hot here. BBL

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35

A vacuum cleaner salesman going door to door comes to little Johnny’s house and knocks on the door.Little Johnny opens the door with a beer in one hand and a cigar in the other.
The salesman says "hello little man is your mom home?"
Little Johnny takes a drink of his beer then a drag off his cigar.Dumps his ash on the carpet and asks the salesman “What the fuck do you think?”

6 Likes
36

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He shouts, “I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I bet $500 none of you can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back without stopping!”

The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan’s offer. One man even leaves. Ten minutes later the man who left returns and taps the Texan on the shoulder. “Is your bet still good?”, asks the Irishman.

The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.

The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, “If ya don’t mind me askin’, where did you go for that 10 minutes you were gone?”

The Irishman replies, “Oh…I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first”.

7 Likes
37

What’s the difference between God and Bono?
God doesn’t wander around Dublin thinking he’s Bono.

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38

An Irishman was flustered not being able to find a parking space in a large mall’s parking lot.

"Lord,"he prayed,“I can’t stand this.If you open a space up for me,I swear I’ll give up drinking me whiskey, and I promise to go to church every Sunday.”

Suddenly, the clouds parted and the sun shone on an empty parking spot. Without hesitation, the man said,“Never mind,I found one.”

6 Likes
39

It was Little Johnny’s birthday and he got a new model train set.Little Johnny has been playing with it in the living room all morning.
He would make a complete loop and stop the train at the station and say" all you son of a bitches that want to get off …get off! All you son of a bitches that want to get on , get on!"
He would fire the train up and make another loop and stop at the station “all you son of a bitches that want to get off… get off!All you son of a bitches that want to get on get on!” as soon as he stopped this time his mom was walking out of the kitchen to let him know his lunch was ready.
His mom overhearing the cursing immediately told him to go to his room and to think about what he had done.
Little Johnny cried hysterically while laying on his bed for 30 minutes. His mom thinking about it being his birthday decided he had learned his lesson and told him he could come back down if he promised to not curse any more and she would get his lunch.
Little Johnny came running down the stairs and fired his train set up and made one complete loop stopping at the station. “All you son of a bitches that want to get off… get off! All you son of a bitches that want to get on…get on! Any of you son of a bitches wandering about the 30 minute delay go ask the bitch in the kitchen!”

6 Likes
40

A boy walks into the kitchen one morning and says guess I’ll have me some of them fuckin Cherios for breakfast, his father hearing this slapped the boy, a couple minutes later his big brother strolls into the kitchen and says wonder what I should have for breakfast, little brother well don’t ask for any damn Cheerios or the big prick over there will slap the shit out of you.

3 Likes