This is hilarious. Whooda thunk !!
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Iām coming up to almost 30 years of married life and friends that have fallen by the wayside have asked me how Iāve made my marriage work. Itās pretty simple reallyā¦
My wife and I go out for dinner 2 times a week. We have a few drinks, a nice meal and enjoy some good company. I go on Tuesdays and she goes on Fridays.
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A couple who were celebrating their 50th anniversary were interviewed about their long marriage. What is the secret to your longevity, they were asked.
When we first married we decided that I would make all the big decisions and she would make all the small ones, the husband explained. Could you give an example of a big decision, he was asked. I donāt know, he replied, Iāve never had to make one.
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Doc, I canāt stop singing the āGreen Green Grass of Homeā.
He said: āThat sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.ā
āIs it common?ā I asked.
āItās not unusualā he replied.
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A fellow went to the pet store to get a dozen bees for his pet snake. When he got home, he saw there were thirteen!
He called the pet store to point out the overage, and offered to pay for the extra one.
They said āDonāt worry about it. Itās a free bee.ā
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ahem (clearing cough)ā¦
āboo, sir, boo!ā 
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Vaccine safety and efficacyā¦
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Rocky shaves sideburns into his pubes
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One of my apartment mates said the other day, " Taco Bell is the only place in Denver you can get gas for $1.99." It made me chuckle.
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Aināt that the truth.
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Two prawns were swimming around in the sea one day. The first one was called Justin and the second one was called Kristian. They were continually being chased and threatened by the sharks that inhabited the area.
Eventually Justin had had enough. He said to Kristian, āIām fed up with being a prawn. I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldnāt have to worry about being eaten all the time.ā
As he said this, a large mysterious cod appeared and said, āYour wish is granted!ā
And believe it or not, with that Justin turned into a fearsome shark.
Kristian was horrified and so immediately swam away as he was scared of being eaten by his old friend.
As time went by, Justin found his new life as a shark to be boring and lonely. None of his old friends would let him get near them as they thought he would eat them and so they just swam away whenever he approached.
It took a while, but eventually Justin realized that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.
Then one day he was swimming all alone as usual when he saw the mysterious cod again. He thought itād be better if he could go back to his old life so he swam to the cod and begged to be changed back. The cod worked his magic and suddenly Justin was a prawn once more.
With tears of joy streaming down his cheeks Justin swam straight to Kristianās home.
As he opened the coral gate, the happy memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, āKristian, itās me, Justin, your old friend. Come out and see me again.ā
Kristian replied, āNo way! Youāre a shark now and youāll just eat me. Iām not being tricked into being your dinner.ā
Justin shouted back "No, Iām not a shark any more. That was the old me. Iāve changedā¦
Iāve found Cod. Iām a prawn again Kristian."
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Enjoy guns while you guys can, Biden snuck through a bill at 2am in the morning to disarm itās citizens
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Good luck with that
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I was just going to say that.
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