WHAT Has Made You Smile Today? (III)

General The Pub
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Like don’t dry your cat in the microwave? I assume the reason they put that in is because people have actually been stupid enough to do so.

It’s not a surprise that they think they can tell us any old shit and get away with it.
The one that really got me was the one on a M&S dinner.
It said peel back before serving. It would’ve never occurred to me.

I saw one a long time ago at a Belgium train station. Do not touch the electricity wires with an umbrella.
Those signs make me itch. Like, do not touch that button. It becomes irresistible.
Fortunately I was not in the possession of an umbrella :smiling_imp:

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Oh, I’ve had the more extreme version:

Once we were storing all the tinned food in the bilge and it flooded - removing all the labels.

The consequential game of dinner roulette was memorable: Pick two tins and that’s what you were eating.

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Hopefully you always chose two non similar tins, or you could end up with beans and a side of beans :yum:

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yup. The one that will forever stick in my mind is the woman who successfully sued McDonalds because the coffee she picked up, and accidentally spilled on herelf, was too hot and she suffered 3rd degree burns. .I feel for her, but at the same time common sense would tell you to be carful with hot beverages while driving. If I don’t have it in a sturdy travel mug, then I won’t get anything hot while I’m driving. Too many things to go wrong.

The other one is the little packets of silicon balls that come in almost anything, to keep moisture out of the item you purchased. They have to print “do not eat”, because as everyone knows, you always get a packet of mints with the new shoes or television that you just purchaed.
Lets not even discuss foreign objects inside body parts…

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That’s still a hell of a lot better than beans with a side of cat food. I know what I’m talking about, I’ve been through this :laughing:

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I remember that one well. Like most, I had casual contempt for her until I saw the burns. It was proven in court that it was way, way over the normal and expected temperature of coffee.

There was a guy riding a bike at night in NYC (enough said) and he got hit by a car and was paralyzed. He successfully sued the bike maker for not warning him it was dangerous to ride a bike at night. I can’t verify if it’s true, but I believe it. There are some very, very stupid people in this world. I like them though, they make me look smart.

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I have another mail.
Caught again! I should be more careful.

Greetings!

I have to share bad news with you. Approximately a few months ago, I gained access to your devices, which you use for internet browsing. After that, I have started tracking your internet activities.

Here is the sequence of events:

Some time ago, I purchased access to email accounts from hackers (nowadays, it is quite simple to buy it online). I have easily managed to log in to your email account a.lias0@live.nl.

One week later, I have already installed the Cobalt Strike “Beacon” on the Operating Systems of all the devices you use to access your email. It was not hard at all (since you were following the links from your inbox emails). All ingenious is simple. :).

This software provides me with access to all your devices controllers (e.g., your microphone, video camera, and keyboard).
I have downloaded all your information, data, photos, videos, documents, files, web browsing history to my servers. I have access to all your messengers, social networks, emails, chat history, and contacts list.

My virus continuously refreshes the signatures (it is driver-based) and hence remains invisible for antivirus software. Likewise, I guess by now you understand why I have stayed undetected until this letter.

While gathering information about you, i have discovered that you are a big fan of adult websites. You love visiting porn websites and watching exciting videos while enduring an enormous amount of pleasure. Well, i have managed to record a number of your dirty scenes and montaged a few videos, which show how you masturbate and reach orgasms.

If you have doubts, I can make a few clicks of my mouse, and all your videos will be shared with your friends, colleagues, and relatives. Considering the specificity of the videos you like to watch (you perfectly know what I mean), it will cause a real catastrophe for you.

I also have no issue at all with making them available for public access (leaked and exposed all data).
General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR): Under the rules of the law, you face a heavy fine or arrest.
I guess you don’t want that to happen.

Let’s settle it this way:

You transfer $791 USD to me and once the transfer is received, I will delete all this dirty stuff right away. After that, we will forget about each other. I also promise to deactivate and delete all the harmful software from your devices. Trust me. I keep my word.

That is a fair deal, and the price is relatively low, considering that I have been checking out your profile and traffic for some time by now. If you don’t know how to purchase and transfer Bitcoin - you can use any modern search engine.

You need to send that amount here Bitcoin wallet:
bc1q4mcucqvaelhr8r0s4zkkq20s95k0d6zptcuj4h

(The price is not negotiable).
You have 2 days in order to make the payment from the moment you opened this email.

Do not try to find and destroy my virus! (All your data is already uploaded to a remote server).
Do not try to contact me. Various security services will not help you; formatting a disk or destroying a device will not help either, since your data is already on a remote server.

This is an APT Hacking Group. Don’t be mad at me, everyone has their own work.
I will monitor your every move until I get paid.
If you keep your end of the agreement, you won’t hear from me ever again.

Everything will be done fairly!
One more thing. Don’t get caught in similar kinds of situations anymore in the future!
My advice: keep changing all your passwords frequently.

I must say I really like the advice at the end. A caring person.

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352

Can anybody lend me some money? You don’t really want to see what I am up to.

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@Josephine_van_Rijn as you and I discussed, it WAS only a matter of time …

:wink:

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I know dear, you’ve warned me before.
This attempt is rather sloppy if you ask me.

The previous two, yes I’ve been caught before :blush:, asked way more money, were consistent in asking for bitcoin and there was no way I could copy any of it.

Maybe this one is stupid enough to get caught and I can get away with not paying this time :sweat_smile:

I decided to mail back.

Greetings to you too!

It looks like you caught me red-handed. Unfortunately I don’t have that kind of cash to throw around.
I will have to contact some friends first.

Would you take instalments?
Oh, before I forget, thanks for your advice.
I promise to be more careful in the future.

Undeliverable :frowning_face:

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Maybe @Josephine_van_Rijn the reduced amount of funds required, AND, the helpful tips and tricks at the end, will help to usher in a kinder, more reasonable scam/scammer for 2023. You know, times are tough and all that.

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Well, so far my wife has had to drive back to Kenosha for 2 weeks every month, that soon ends. A year ago she applied for a job with the health dpt in the next town, she never heard back from them. Last week i saw the same job pop up so i talked her into applying once more, two hours later she got a call to ask to setup an interview which was the next morning. It all went well but she hadnt heard back, until today. They called to tell her that the position she applied for was filled BUT they asked if she would be interesting in setting up and running a new lab they have wanted for years.

I probably wont see her much for the next month but after that… Well after that she will probably go insane listening to the shite my mind makes up… hehe.

@Josephine_van_Rijn Ive got a relative, he is a Nigerian Prince, i think he can help!

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Ok, here we go. This is from 2003 when I first got a 409. I responded the next day and then got carried away. I’ll post it in parts as it’s a bit long, but worth reading. I was pissing myself as I wrote this.

Part 1 - This is the setup, it’s long and the typical pitch so I cut it down to what I think are the relevant parts.

----- Original Message -----
From: “ibrahim.fondio@libero.it” <ibrahim.fondio@libero.it
Date: Thursday, August 28, 2003 7:35 pm
Subject: ASSALAMALAYKUM!

               "In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most

Merciful"

Assalam O’Alaikum…

Dear respected one,

I know this mail may come to you as a surprise, especially since
we do not know each other in person. To briefly introduce myself,
my name is Ibrahim Fondio, the only son of late Alhaji Abdul-
Kareem Fondio from Mende district, Sierra Leone. I got your
contact from the Islamic Information Center in Abidjan, Cote d’
Ivoire. My sources of your contact gave me the courage and
confidence to rely on you.

I am writing you in absolute confidence primarily to seek your
assistance to transfer our cash sum of Twelve Million Five Hundred
Thousand United States Dollars (US$12,500,000.00) deposited by my
late father in a Security & Finance company in Abidjan, Cote d’
Ivoire for safe keeping purpose before he was killed, The money
was deposited in a metal box and declared as a personal effects
and gemstones for security reasons

As a result of my father’s death, and with the news of my uncle’s
involvement in air crash in January, dashed our hope of survival.
The untimely deaths caused my mother’s heart failure and other
related complications of which she later died in the hospital
after we must have spent a lot of money on her.

Now, my 17 year old sister and myself are alone in this strange
country suffering without any care or help without any relation,
we are now orphans and refugees .

My first response.

Hi Ibrahim,

I would certainly like to help you with your problem. What can I do?

Rahim

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Part 2
----- Original Message -----
From: Ibrahim Fondio <ibrahim_fondio@yahoo.com
Date: Friday, August 29, 2003 7:28 pm
Subject: Writing back…

Sallam,

Hello Rahim,

Thanks very much for your quick response and your willingness to
help me in this noble transaction, what you should do for you to
achieve our desire aim in this transaction is as follows:

  1. To travel and meet us here so that we can make a formal
    introduction and know each other better.
    (2) To assist me claim this fund from the security company as co-
    beneficiary.
    (3)To transfer this money in your name to your country.
    (4) To make a good arrangement for a joint business investment on
    our behalf in your country and you, the care taker.
    (5) To secure a college for my little sister and my self in your
    country to further our education. And to make arrangement for our
    travel with you to your country after you have transferred this
    fund, most importantly.

My second response

Hi Ibrahim,

I’m so happy you responded so quickly. I want to help you as much as I possibly can, as well as your sister. I think you’re a very good man to want to help your sister so much. I like to help my family as well. Every week I visit my sister and bring her food and cigarettes. They don’t feed her very well in the prison and the other prisoners always take her cigarettes before she smokes them all. I always tell her that she shouldn’t smoke, but when you sit in a cell all day for years on end, what else is there to do?

I love travelling. I went to Thailand once. It was really fun. Where did you say you live…I forgot.

*Can’t we just become friends over the net? I think the net is really a great way to get to know people, don’t you? My brother met his husband over the net. They talked and talked and talked for days and days. One day they decided to meet and it was love at first sight. They were married a week later. My brother wants to have a sex change operation because he says he’s really a woman inside. He certainly acts like one. I mean he walks and talks like a woman and he cries all the time when we watch Terminator2 and the robot dies at the end. He wants to go to Thailand and have the operations done, but it’s very expensive. I don’t understand why it’s so expensive I mean all they have to do is cut his things off and drill a hole. I guess growing breasts costs some money though. Anyway, that’s what I’m going to do with the money you’re going to send me. When do you think I will have the money? *

Rahim

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Part 3

----- Original Message -----
From: Ibrahim Fondio <ibrahim_fondio@yahoo.com
Date: Tuesday, September 2, 2003 11:12 pm
Subject: Message.

Dear Rahim,

How are you doing today? I read your mail with total amasement
considering the kind of man you want to be, don’t you think what
you are about to do is evil and is contrally to the teaching of
prophet Mohamed. I pray that Allah changes your focus.

For this transaction to be effected I want to let you know your
physical presence is highly needed here in Abidjan, Ivory Coast
for the release of the consignment in the security company. Please
let me know how soon you can make this travel?

Also try and send to me your mobile telephone number I need to
talk to you. I hope you reply me as soon as possible.

Regards,

Ibrahim Fondio.

My response

Dear Ibrahim,

Hi, it’s great to hear from you again. I hope all is well with you and your sister. How’s the weather this time of year in the place you live? It’s really nice to have a friend from somewhere else. All my other friends are here. Where are your other friends?

Ibrahim, I think you misread my last message. It’s my brother that wants to have his things cut off, not me. I can’t stop him. You know how women get once they make up their mind about something. I would never cut off my thing because I like playing with it too much. I play with all the time. When I get up in the morning I play with it in the shower. Then when I’m at work, I have to play with it about 2-3 times a day. I work in a very large bank and I have my own office, so I get lots of time by myself.

I called my travel agent the other day and inquired about a ticket to where you are. He said he could get me a ticket to your country. He said that the fares to South America are really cheap this time of year. I was thinking I could plan a side trip to Peru and go see Machu Picchu. They are these really great stone things on top of a big mountain. I like stones. Especially ones that roll. Do you like stones too?

So, I’ll go ahead and make reservations to come see you real soon. I’ll have to take some vacation time from the bank, but I’ve got 22 months saved up, so it shouldn’t be a problem. Should I bring something, like a cake or some fruit?

Oh, I don’t have a mobile phone. I used to, but my doctor told me I had to stop using it. He said something about the waves making the tumor in my brain bigger. He told me to be careful around computers too, so I had a special hat made for when I use the computer. It’s made of lead so that it stops the radio waves from getting in to my head. It’s really neat, but it does get a bit hot. But I painted it with the colors of Manchester United because they’re the best football team in the world. Do you like football? Do they play football in the country where you live? Maybe we can go see a game together. Can your sister come with us too? That would be really nice. Then maybe we could all go to Machu Picchu together too. I’d pay for the bus tickets to get there for you and your sister.

Ok, I’ll let you know when I’ve got my tickets. My sister says hi. My brother wants to type you something but he just painted his nails so he can’t. Maybe next time.

Rahim

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Part 4

----- Original Message -----
From: Ibrahim Fondio <ibrahim_fondio@yahoo.com
Date: Sunday, September 7, 2003 5:25 pm
Subject: Save my sister. S.O.S!!!

Dear Rahim,

How are you doing today? I hope that you had a wongerful weekend?
Please I am still waiting to hear from you as per your contact
with your travel agent. My sister is very sick and she was
admitted this morning at the hospital the doctors said that she
need to be operated fast that she as an acute appendix in her
stomac, please I need you assistance because they are demanding
$1,500 for deposit and I only have $900 with me which they refuse.

Try and send at lest $600 to me immediatey through Western Union
money transfer it should be in your country. Use the name of the
Hospital accountant in sending the money so that I go with him to
the western union branch here.

The name of the hospital accountant is:

Mr. Owens Jack.
Address: Hospital de la grace.
01 bp 2589 Abidjan 01.
Ivory Coast.

Send to me via email the money transfer informations immediately
you transfer the money or call me 0022507620048.

Please Rahim, help me to safe the life of my poor little sister,
when you come to Abidjan, all your expenses plus your 15%
commission will be given back to you as soon as we get the money
released from the security company.

Waiting anxiously for youyr reply.

Sincerely,

Ibrahim Fondio.

My response

Dear Ibrahim,

You have no idea how happy I am to hear from you. I was afraid you forgot me. You make me very happy when I read your emails that I get all tingly and giggly.

I’ve talked to my travel agent about travelling to your country. It looks like I’ll be there in about 10-14 days. I’m waiting for him to confirm a flight. I’ll let you know the details as soon I get them.

Hey, tough break for your sister. Acute appendicitis is pretty bad. People don’t live very long once they have that. I had a dog whose appendix burst. It was really nasty watching him die, especially when all that nasty stuff came out of his nose. Take it from me, you don’t want to be there when it happens to your sister. There’s no use me sending you any money because by the time I get to Western Union and send the money, she’ll be dead. Oh well, win some, lose some.

Will you be there to pick me up at the airport or should I make arrangements for the transfer? What hotel do you think I should stay at? What’s the weather like at this time of year? Should I pack a sweater? I must say, I’m very excited about all of this. I get to meet my new friend and his sister (if she’s still alive, of course) and I get to see a new country. Plus, I’m getting a lot of money for helping you. This is truly a good time for me. I feel so good every time I write you that I want to share this with my friends. But don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone else, this is our business and no one else’s.

Anyway, I’ll let you know when I’ll be there.

P.S. Say goodbye to your sister for me. I was so looking forward to meeting her and going to a football game with her.

Rahim

And that was it, I guess he thought I was a lost cause.

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because i like to play with it too much

I laughed so hard that i think part of me died, there was a flash of light and a fart, now i cant stop giggling…

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Holy shit, that was hilarious! You made my night🤣

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Are we related?

He’s probably asking someone else for money for therapy now :grin:
Mine was slightly smarter unfortunately. No way I could respond to the email, it wasn’t going anywhere :slightly_frowning_face:

I got one from Christine Lagarde some time ago. Of course that one is real. She would never pull a stunt like this.
I’m a bit miffed that it’s only 10.5. You’re talking about 12.5 and that was 20 years ago.

Mrs. Christine Lagarde olumidebusayo48@gmail.com
Attention, You Are Expected To Call DHL +1(828) 202-9208 Once You
Receive this Email (BANK OF AMERICA) has finalize all the necessary
arrangement and your fund $10.5Million USD is inside ATM CARD this
moment your ATM CARD is in DHL OFFICE waiting for your Address were to
deliver it. INFO: Your name___ Your country__ Your address___ You’re
Age/sex__ Your occupation and your Direct phone number__ This is your
registration code (DHJKT00678G) Contact person: Jerry Johnson,
E-mail; ( jerryjohnson2214@gmail.com ) Best Regard Mrs. Christine
Lagarde.

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Having an afternoon to work on some character sculpts for one of my own heavily converted armies. I couldn’t resist adding a Necronomicon inspired binding to this 2cm wide book.

BOD4
BOD41920×2560 274 KB

BOD3
BOD31920×2560 254 KB

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