I am sitting here alone tonight when I am supposed to have my son. My wife refused to let me have him this weekend. Long story short, I have asked my attorney to file a contempt charge. The custody battle has been going on for well over a year now, with no end in sight. It’s holding up the divorce and it is getting to the point I just want to give up and give in and let her retain physical custody. She denies my extended parenting time when I am supposed to have him for a whole week. She refuses to let me see him on my mid-week parenting time. And now she has refused to let me have my weekend with him.
I have a very good attorney, but times when she does this I cannot get in touch with him. So here I am spending a weekend without my son. I will ask the court for makeup time. But when you go two weeks looking forward to the next weekend with your son and you don’t get him it’s a real downer. My son is 3. He loves me. He even tells me he wants to stay with me forever. He never wants to go back to mommy. But the courts don’t care.
So I am just here biding my time suffering through this bitter divorce. It seems it is intentional by the courts to just drag it out. Do nothing until I give in. I have searched for men’s rights advocates without any luck. I don’t know what else there is I can do. Surely there has to be someone out there who will stick up for me. Because nobody is listening to me.
I filed for a Guardian Ad Litem. She was supposed to represent my son in the custody dispute. She was supposed to spend time with me when I had my son. She was supposed to come see the beautiful home I have made for my son. She was supposed to investigate things that have happened. She did nothing but take $500 out of my pocket. Her report clearly showed she had no clue about this case.
So now we are awaiting a second mediation hearing that will go nowhere. At $500/hour I am asking we skip it. But I fear the court is just going to side with the mother as they always do here. And the county our divorce is taking place in is known to favor the mother even more than anywhere else around here.
Have any of you gone through this? Any advice you can give would be welcomed with an eager ear.
if you have an order from the court you can go to the police and they will try to enforce it and you will have more on your side when the contemp does go to a judge or mediator …eventually any judge will be pissed contempt is a slap in the judge’s face and they can and have put the bitch in jail or a hefty fine believe me… from my own experience
I wish I knew what to tell you. I’m so sorry you are going through this. In today’s age, with so many kids growing up without a dad, you’d think that the courts would jump all over any father that wanted to be involved in their child’s life. Unfortunately, it doesn’t really work out that way.
My sister and her husband fought for two years to get custody of my brother-in-law’s daughter. This poor child was being ‘raised’ by her grandmother because her mother was in and out of jail and rehab and still the courts kept giving custody back to her. It has been a nightmare and now that the woman is out of jail again, she’s suing for custody again. My sis and BiL both have stable jobs, a good home, my sis has two daughters, and they have a child together. It’s clearly the better, more stable home. But, people are stupid. I hope for you and for my sister that these situations work out.
@LordVapor I feel your pain as I went thru something very similar many years ago. All I can say is don’t give up but sadly you are right in the statement of there being no help out there for the single father in these cases. I spent thousands of dollars fighting this and never once did the courts seem to care that she did not follow the court ordered Joint custody. Law enforcement would never get involved and every time I filed in court it ended up more money for the lawyer and all for nothing. Divorce lawyers get rich and nothing ever gets settled the way it should. If the judge would have told her NO MORE SUPPORT MONEY unless you follow the court order I guarantee you I would have seen my kids without fail every time I was supposed to. I know many men that can tell you almost the same story.
I have been on the kid end of this 43 years ago and even though I have gotten over it enough to function properly (just slightly neurotic and “mostly” sane), I have some residual resentment yet that in all honesty, I hold onto by choice. It sucks and I feel for you. I have no words to make you feel better but I hope it doesn’t hurt too bad. Take care brother.
Every state is different…cops can’t enforce anything in my state, KY, because they don’t know what’s the current status…the only thing you can do, is keep putting it on the docket…if you have a visitation and she doesn’t honor it, make sure you have witnesses and keep putting it in front of the judge… Pile up evidence…then, when she continues not honoring the court ordered visitation, you can request a court managed exchange, at a court monitored exchange place…then, if she continues the violation of court ordered AND court monitored exchanges, it will be documented by court officials…if you get enough of these built up, and you have continuously brought it in front of the judge, you stand a chance of getting a temporary custody of the child…
I have custody of my 2 youngest children…both through this process…I love my children and absolutely INSIST that I am in their lives…this method worked for me…
If you need help, brother, message me, I’ll give you my number, I’ll do what I can…
Sorry to hear about your troubles, brother. I know a few of those cases from acquaintances, but I do think it’s slightly easier here in Denmark, but I do know of support groups for cases like these - one of my former colleagues leads such a group. I wish I could help.
Ok, the Sherriff’s department told me to come up and request she meet me and if she doesn’t show they will file a report I can take to court.
You guys are helping give me ideas. Thank you so much.
You have my sympathy friend. My only advice is that you watch this Click Me
It’s a documentary named "Divorce Corp"
It’s also available on Netflix - Instant Play
Not sure it’ll help, but it will enlighten you as to how big of a SNAFU you’ve inadvertently walked into…
Pretty interesting. Thanks!
So my wife is supposed to let me see my son today after nearly a month of not seeing him. It was supposed to happen at noon. At 12:15 my Mother gets a text asking if she is taking my son back to her on Friday of next week, which would be the beginning of my normal weekend with my son. My mother replied that she didn’t know. My wife said that I am not getting my son unless she gets an agreement to bring him back on Friday.
So here is the whole deal…
On Dec 2nd at 4:30 I had my normal mid-week parenting time (up to 4 hours). There was a snow storm moving in so I told my wife I was just going to take him to dinner and I would meet her around 6:00pm at our normal meeting location. I gave her 20 minutes notice that I was on my way to drop him off. I arrived 15 minutes later which was 6:05pm. She sent numerous messages stating she was on her way. First was 20 minutes away. So I waited 20 minutes. The snow was coming down hard and I had a 70 miles drive heading into the storm. I told her she had 5 more minutes. She replied back 15 minutes later saying she would be there in 10 minutes. I left at 6:45 and brought my son home with me. She arrived at the meeting location at 7:25 which is when she started threatening me and all kinds of other crap. My mother returned my son to her the following afternoon. I haven’t seen him since, and up until now for the past year and a half I have seen my son religiously according to the guidelines. I want more time. But that is all I get.
So I am owed makeup time for all that I missed. 2 weekends, 3 Wednesdays, and on top of all this I had an extended week of parenting time scheduled from Dec 6th thru the 12th. According to the guidelines I was supposed to have my son the first week of Christmas Break, and she was supposed to have him from noon til 9pm today.
So what I want is to get him today, and keep him until all my makeup time is recovered. But I don’t know if I can legally do this. I am supposed to call my attorney this week and talk with him about it. But he is being pretty vague about things lately. He is a really good attorney though. I just think something is going on behind the scenes that I am not aware of between my attorney and hers.
My wife is playing games with my parenting time with my son. I can’t stand to think what this is doing to him because he loves being with me and cries when he has to go home. This has to be tough on a 3 year old. I sit at home at night and start to cry when I think about how much time I have lost with my son. I need help but I don’t know what I can do. Every time I think it’s going to get better my wife starts playing these games and it’s tearing me apart. My son is my whole world. And not being able to see him is the worst thing I have ever had to deal with
My heart hurts for you. I am sure your little guy wants to be with you as well. I will keep you in my prayers. This is no way for someone to act especially in front of a child. I sure hope your lawyer can swiftly make some changes for you. Merry Christmas and hopefully one of the many single dads here can have some helpful advice I wish I did.
I’m so sorry. My best advice is this, most of which I got from my lawyer and advocate: continue to ‘play nice’, be polite and respectful, but continue to firmly insist that you be allowed your time. If you just give in without a fight, true or not, she can say “Clearly, he didn’t want his son that much.” Don’t do anything that could be construed as even remotely shady or against the rules or she can and will use it against you. Write down everything that happens, on paper. Screenshot and print out every text and record and write down every conversation and keep it in a file. Have your mother do the same. If you have facebook or use other social media, shut it down. Somehow, someway, her and her lawyer will find a way to use it against you. This might sound paranoid, but in the event that she brings something up and you need to defend yourself or you need to prove your commitment, you’ll have it.
@LordVapor, I feel sad for you. You honestly have brought a tear to my eye. I sincerely hope this works out for you and you get to see your son more often. For now let me wish you a Merry Christmas and know that we all are thinking of you !!!
Thanks guys. I don’t use facebook much at all. This is the only site I voice anything on for the most part. I know it’s not the place to post such personal matters. But I don’t have much family left. Just my mother. So I feel pretty damn alone through all this.
The last time I saw my son I came home to tell him goodbye. He was strapped in the car seat in my mother’s car. I gave him a hug and promised him I would see him that Friday. He started to cry and said “don’t leave me da da”. I started to cry and had to turn and walk away. I can’t get that moment out of my head.
Today was supposed to be an end to all this time away from him. Now I don’t know because she is still playing her little games. She won’t tell my mother when she will meet her. And my mother has offered to drive up and get him with no response. I feel so terrible right now and it’s supposed to be a good day.
Sorry to bring this on. But I need some release or I’m just going to implode. My mind is racing and I don’t know what to do.
@LordVapor As someone that has been in your shoes all I can say is @JoJo has hit the nail on the head with EVERYTHING she said they will indeed use everything you say or do against you.
I pray that you will get this worked out soon but be the better person as some day your son will see this. Keep strong and remember it will be worth the hassle in the end.
Dang, brother. My stomach hurts just from reading it. I really hope she’ll play a little nice and let you see your son today! I’ll be sending my thoughts your way.
I really hope you get to be with him today and wish you an extra special Christmas!!! May your neighbors respect you,
Trouble neglect u,
The angels protect u
and Heaven accept u
Happy Christmas and Happy Holiday.
I wish there were something I could say to help…my words escape me…
I’ll never understand how some people rationalize using their own children as pawns in some twisted grudge match. I just don’t get it. How can a parent not be wise enough to realize the emotional damage they are inflicting?
Shouldn’t it be a basic human instinct to protect children from all forms of harm? Do we just chuck the principle of civility out the window when there’s an opportunity to cause suffering to someone that’s slighted us; no matter who-else is in the line of fire?
I think it’s safe to say most parents are gonna mess up in one way or another but it’s usually founded in good intentions. There’s no need to knowingly and intentionally make it worse. So many questions and never any good answers…
I’ve been trying to think of something witty to say to cheer you up but I know that won’t work so I’ll tell you this…
Sometimes life is a bucket of shit… (is this helping…) and there’s not much ya can do about it. In times like this it is best to find someone who’ll just listen to you…and you, my friend, have come to the right place
You need to vent…? Wanna go on a rant…? I’m always lurking around this forum somewhere lol. I’m sure I’m not just speaking for myself here so if ya got something you need to get off your chest…let’er rip man
My heart hurts for you too. I hope you get your wish and get the time you so rightly deserve. My real hope though is that the legal system will do right by you and provide you not just a day of peace, but the opportunity for a lifetime of happiness. I wish you the best.