My son finally arrived! He was tired from the 70 mile drive so he is laying with me in the recliner putting my arm to sleep. Thanks so much for the thoughts and prayers. They really do help, and getting things off my chest helps keep me calm. I will post up some pics later. He came in and saw his trains and didn’t even care to see what else he got for Christmas. 10 minutes in he was too tired to choo choo.
Thanks again everyone!
Awww happy tears!! Yay! 
I know the rest of the situation is still awful, but I’m so very glad you are getting to spend time with him.
Aw man, I am writing this smiling all over my face 
I’m happy for you and for your son! 
Now go enjoy his company! 
When I get him he usually goes right to sleep. I have always assumed my wife keeps him up all day on purpose because he usually goes right to sleep on Wednesdays when I get him for a few hours. When I have him for week long periods he takes a nap in the afternoon after I have had him a day or so. The first night I just sit and watch him sleep and let him get it out of his system.
Just found this.
I pray that this has been resolved for you and your son.
I am sitting here with genuine tears as I honestly feel your pain.
I have been in a very similar situation and unfortunately lasted for all of her early and teenage years, despite intervention from courts etc…
Not sure how the laws are in the US but here in the UK it sucks big time!
The good thing is the divorce is finally done. She was awarded physical custody even though Child Protective services was called on her by two people. One being the school. We have joint custody which is a good thing. But it’s just a matter of time before we are back in court for her keeping my son from me. 10 more years and my son will be able to make up his own mind where he wants to live.
Been down this road. Son is now 22, daughter is 20. Your story is all to familiar. Good news is both of my kids live with me now and barely speak to their mother. If you ever need a sympathetic ear or an experienced take on this let me know. In the end, the only ones that make out on this situation is the lawyers.
Yeah, I just got the final bill from my attorney and it blew my mind. I have already paid him thousands. But he was a great lawyer and I don’t think I could have done better. The final hearing was scary thinking of what I might have to pay. But they dumped all the bills on my wife, who doesn’t work. So it’s hard to imagine that part of it going any better.
It’s almost as if the court is setting her up to fail. So time will tell.
I feel for you, i really do! I was in a very similar situation. My ex was a bit nuts, after we broke up [just fighting all the time, she drove me crazy!] She refused to let me see our daughter whenever it suited her, but when she wanted a free baby sitter … oh, it was fine then. That went on for a long time, and when I met someone else, it got worse. She would call on random evenings when she knew I was away, or with my new partner, and ask me to take our daughter right away. When i said that I couldn’t, she would hurl abuse at me and stop me seeing her for weeks.
All i can say is, that once 3-year old daughter of ours is now 19, and I have 2 more girls with that then new partner, and i have learned not to take any bullshit from my ex along the way. Some times you need to call their bluffs, sometimes you need to walk away, some times you have to stand up for yourself and not be bullied. You have every right to see your child. I would get legal about it asap, get another attorney if your regular isn’t there when you need him.
Best of luck with it, hopefully you’ll laugh about this with your kid when they are 19 
My attorney wasn’t filing contempt charges because he knows the judge well. The judge didn’t like her filing contempt against me and took it out on her. But now that the divorce is finalized if she steps out of line my attorney will do what needs to be done.
LV,
I went through a very similar situation a few years back. At the end of the divorce hearings, ( my two boys were 10/11 at that time), we were awarded split custody, due to the input from the boys. One lived with me and the other lived with his mom. They were together every weekend. The animosity between the two of us, virtually destroyed the kids. Not so much on my end, but from her family. If I could offer any advice to you, it would be to capitulate to your ex. Do your best to encourage a healthy relationship between your boy and your ex.
When he’s with you, it will be natural for him to want to either bag on his mom or not want to contact her. Discourage the former and encourage the latter. Be aware of how you handle your ex in front of your son. They will never forget. By showing tolerance around him, he will learn how to deal with stress and impossible choice situations.
I’m really sorry your family’s going through this. My thoughts are with you and your son.
I am shaking reading this, and my eyes and fat tummy are soaked.
I went through this in the 80’s, had joint custody, and she went out of her way
to make sure she never had my two sons available to me, despite court rulings,
Judges warnings, etc.
I saw one of them in 1995, I get a birthday wish from one on FB about every 3rd or 4th year…
I follow them on FB. I make comments almost daily and never get any response other than
from a friend of theirs on occasion. They are 39 and 36 years old now.
I gotta go, I can’t do this. I apologize that I don’t have a magic wand to let you borrow.
There may be a bit of good news on the horizon. My ex’s attorney dumped her. That is the second attorney to do that to her. And my attorney is getting ready to drag her back into court for contempt with a 6 page petition of crap she has pulled. And I think she is out of money. So if she comes to court without representation she could possibly go to jail and lose custody of my son. My attorney has been waiting like a lion to pounce. And it isn’t going to be pretty because she really screwed up last Friday. I pray this storm is almost over and I can get custody soon.
First things first
DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT Keep track of every single thing that goes on . When she doesn’t let you have him when you are supposed to, list her reasoning if she has one. When she is late dropping him off, list her reasoning here too. If she isn’t home when you take him back and you have to wait on her to get there for you drop him off. Where was she and why wasn’t she there for her son. When I divorced my boys mother told them they had to stay with me cause I was the one that wanted the divorce. That was fine with the boys and myself. 6 months later my wages got attached for child support. I got a court date asked why she was getting support when they lived with me. I was told that due to the amount of time she had them the judge felt that it was warranted. I produced my document that had been notarized at the end of each month to prove that I had kept it current and wasn’t something I had made up the night before court. I had documented each time they boys had gone to her place to stay or visit. I also documented the dozen or so times that they went there only to get dumped off at their grand parents for the weekend so she could go to the coast or reno with her current money supply. I told the judge that I kept record of everything that went on and if he would like I could also show him documentation of every cent that I had spent on school and extra curricular activities and how she had not contributed her half. I ended paying for all of it to keep them from being excluded. He recessed us for an hour. When we came back he gave me an order to stop the wage attachment and ordered to pay all that had been taken back. She had a fit, he in turn offered to levy support from her to me if she wanted him to take a closer look at it. All because I had it all in writing from the start.
Hope this helps out at least in the future.
Oh yeah the judge worked it out and told her they spent less than 3% of the time with her.
Sorry I haven’t been real active lately. Things in my life have gone from bad to worse. Two weeks ago I was meeting my ex to get my son. After getting him out of her car I informered her I was taking him for a week to make up for a week of extended time she took from me. She blew up and ran around my car blocking me from putting my son in my car. Things escalated to her trying to pull him away from me, hurting our 3 year old son in the process, and stressing him out well beyond any emotional distress I have ever seen him go through. He was trying to hit her to get her off of him. He cried out don’t take me momma over and over. I was so broken up.
I called the police and when they arrived I was pulled away from my car. She pulled him out of his seat and took him back to her car. I have not seen him since. She tried to lie to the cops and say I hurt her but they didn’t fall for her lies. Afterwards I came home regretting I told her about keeping him for my week. But even though I gave her 60 day notice her attorney complained that I didn’t remind her of my week when I picked him up a few weeks ago and was supposed to have a week with him. So this time I did just that and I paid the price for communicating.
My attorney has filed a contempt petition. It reads pretty bad for her. He is asking for her incarceration and sole custody for me. But court is not until the end of June. So now I have a month and a half to suffer through without seeing my son. I have a few second recording of the incident where he is telling her don’t take me. Listening to it breaks my heart. I have a very hard time going a week without seeing my son. This is killing me, and it is getting worse every day.
The parenting counselor assigned by the court has told me my ex cannot pay her half of the retainer. So the PC has asked me to pay her half. I informed her I couldn’t do that. When this incident happened two weeks ago I asked this PC for help. I was informed she couldn’t do anything until the retainer is paid in full. So even if I paid my half I would get no help.
I am so depressed by all of this. My son is growing up so fast and these gaps really are doing damage to my relationship with him. Keep your chin up I am told. Stay strong. It will get better. But nothing is going to give me back my time lost with my son. I just don’t understand how people can be so cruel. And I don’t understand why a judicial system meant to protect children can allow this to happen to parents who are so desperate to spend time with their children. I just don’t know what to do. I have no support near me since I moved back to my home town. All my friends have left town and I sit here alone and feel too shitty to do anything productive.
This thread and the friends I have here have been the biggest help at giving me hope and guidance. So thank you all for your support.
I’m so sorry this is still dragging on for you. I wish you all the luck in the world with this matter and hope you can get things straight soon…
You may want to consider looking into income based counseling services for yourself and your son when you get through the court hearing and have you visitation regularly. Talking with someone would be good, it also shows what her immature actions are doing to you and your son. Furthermore it shows the dedication you have to making a good safe secure home without the mental angst that she is causing your son.
I have been trying to find a support group or a counselor. Best I have found is right here. The sad thing is since this has all started I have had 4 attorneys for various things. My main attorney, GAL, PC, etc. And I still need a counselor.
On a positive note my attourney called today and asked if she was still keeping him from me. When I told him I haven’t seen in since that Friday he said “Good deal. I’ll get right on that”. By the tone of his voice he sounded like it was just what he wanted to hear. Almost as if there was a conversation with the powers that be before calling me.
I did not read any of the replies.
First thing on my mind - Keep a log.
I’ve been through a divorce, I’ve been through custody of my granddaughter. I’ve also had a Guardian Ad Litem in the past.
In my situation now with custody of my grandaughter, they are trying to beat me down until I give up… the same way you feel.
Keep doing the right thing. Luckily it is easy to know what the right thing to do is for your son.
Make sure you never put down your son’s mother and don’t put him in the middle. Don’t lean on him.
Keep reaching out to people to give you moral support.
Don’t make exceptions being easier on him because you feel sorry for him.
Don’t ever worry if he likes you. That’s not your job. It’s your job to teach him how to be healthy, wealthy and happy and survive in this world. He won’t always like it.
The most important thing is that you are always there, and even when he can’t be with you, he knows you are thinking about him and will be with him in his heart.
Set it up so that he can always reach you. Remember he is a human being. Tell him you appreciate how he feels.
Teach him about his feelings, to express his feelings and his thoughts. Nows the time soon to make a picture of the different faces… Happy, sad, afraid, and what it’s like without eyes or without ears.
Keep close to him on where his development is, and when you can’t be with him dream/daydream about it.
You love him very, very much… we can tell.
One thing I learned when I got older was… When someone asks me for something or about something, I don’t always give an answer right away. I say “I’ll think about it”.
I also used to think if I was always open and honest that God would protect me. I was wrong. God says you must be careful because there are bad, evil people. So, it’s best to keep your mouth shut in some cases. Life is not always fair. Enjoy what you can. Luckily, there is a NEW day tomorrow. A lot of times, if we feel like it’s the end of the world, next week we don’t even remember what we were upset about.
I hope my bluntness hasn’t offended you. I don’t know you, so you definitely can’t take anything personally. These are just some of the things I’ve learned. If anything hits home, then that’s what you have to work on. The MOST important thing I saved for last. AGE 3 - 4 IS the most important age for a child. It is the age where the cookie is baked. Now is when you inset his morals. Teach him kindness and how to love and forgive. Teach him the joy of giving. Help someone else and you will forget your problems. xo
@LordVapor I wish had I had useful words for you. All I can say is that you are in my thoughts and prayers. My brother went through this exact same situation years ago with his son, and his batshit crazy ex-wife, and I saw just how much it hurt him. I’m sitting here with tears in my eyes reading your story. What drives me nuts is this apparent assumption on the part of the courts, and society at large in many cases, that the mother is automatically the better parent simply by virtue of her sex, when I’ve encountered many examples in which this is clearly not the case. Men have rights, too, goddammit. Sorry - I’m not usually this vulgar, but your story has really touched a nerve. I wish you all the best, and please know that you have got a lot of support in this community of friends.