Good for you. Glad to hear that one bad apple didn’t turn you into someone whose overbearing. If you can’t trust someone than get rid of them😊
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Hail Lucefina!
Marry me, princess of darkness.
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I hear you cheating is unforgivable. I’m a recovering addict and I’ve been clean since 2009. I was single when I was getting high I was single and sex free for 8 years into recovery, however I had been sexually sexually assaulted for many years. I just knew that I needed to work on myself before I got sexually, emotionally or mentally involved with someone. I feel really bad for people that become addicts when in a relationship because no longer is your significant other your top priority, nor can the love of a partner, a child or a family member keep you clean. It’s only the love that you have for yourself that can keep you clean.
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To some this is true. To me forgiveness is making a conscious decision to live in the present…even if the past still hurts.
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I do! Lol 
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Finally!! 
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put it back in your pants there Mr Happy
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I have always believed this 100% to be true, and still do: there’s almost nothing than hurts like someone your with cheating on you - especially when you yourself are the type of person who would never cheat.
Cheating is far too nicer word really: too neat and sterile - the opposite of what it actually is.
I think the line in the sand becomes VERY clear if you’ve ever been cheated on yourself: knowing how it feels is enough to make any well adjusted person not ever want to inflict that amount of pain on their other half.
But as unforgivable as cheating is, I realized years ago that how much you value the other person makes cut & dry “cheat and we’re done” stances just too simplistic to always adhere to.
All depends how much you love them; how much you want them and yeah cheating once I would forgive that (but also never forget), but if a woman I was with repeatedly did it then obviously she doesn’t give a fuck and I’ve got no choice but sever it for self-preservation.
But a woman I absolutely adored who cheated and then realized that was a nasty, disgusting thing to do and didn’t want to do it again - I could forgive and stay with her.
So I no longer consider cheating 100% equals “Dafuck! Get out bitch you’re dead to me! /spits”, since I realized once that woman is gone you can NEVER replace her - there’s only ONE of each of us, ever, so losing any woman, they’re ALL one-of-a-kind and yeah.
Irreplaceable - just depends how much you want that irreplaceable woman and if you want her enough, you have no choice but to forgive.
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Dood, she left me waiting a full half hour - I only have a ten minute attention span - what kinda torture is that! 
Possums are very grabby animals once they’re used to you too 
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It would be helpful to talk a lot. Women usually don’t cheat for no reason in my experience. Most women have to feel a deep disconnection, lack of attention or betrayal of some sort. I’m not saying that you caused it or could have prevented it. I’m saying that it would be helpful to hear out her thoughts of what drove her to cheat. I think couples should talk about everything and it’s the only way you two will overcome this kind of betrayal and move forward. I bet you’d be surprised what she has to say because for women cheating is rarely about sex. Best of luck. And if she can’t get better then trust your gut! Move on. 
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Yes, that’s a whole different situation. Then it’s time for the hunter/killer to go to work.
This!
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It’s about whether you can bare too lose THAT specific person that determines whether you forgive or end it forever.
I could’ve just said that instead of 100 fkn paragraphs above, but I felt like trying to repeat it more succinctly…
Just for the new chick 
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This is like, a massive existential topic I’ve spent a LOT of time thinking about: whether we evolved as a species to be monogamous or sluts - for lack of the correct word for that.
I’ve finally concluded that we evolved to be above all else opportunistic and will go either way depending on cultural and individual norms.
Yeah.
I’ve also concluded it’s a personality type.
I’ve always been 1-1, relationship monogamous: never had a one night stand, never had the urge to.
Other people might get bored in every relationship they’re in and ALWAYS be looking for someone fresh and new and equally, slutty - for lack of the correct word for uh that again.
I do not and have never understood why anyone would want to cycle through partners like they’re trying on a new pair of shoes and I’ve always been in partners with women who equally wanted loyalty and not to have to share me anymore than I wanted some other dood grunting all over her.
It’s a very primal, super-powerful set of emotions.
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I wasn’t sure if i was going to respond too this… Your post brought up some personal feelings. Not too long ago i was your wife. I was in a relationship where trust was an issue. I wasn’t trust worthy. For a long time i was .However i wasn’t happy for a very long time. I expressed my unhappiness, i was tolerant and patient and nothing changed ( he drank too much). I also was afraid to leave. We had been together many years., He was a musician and i was a dancer ( on stage ) and we also have children. I didn’t want to give up that life. BUT i wasn’t happy and didn’t have the courage at the time to address my own personal issues. He didn’t have the courage or desire to meet me in the middle
In no way do i blame him for any of it. The relationship was over long before i started hiding my phone… We have since addressed our own personal demons. Today we are learning to be friends again.
Cheating is never the solution. Honesty is.
Thank you for having the courage to post this.
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Mind you, it’d still be reaaally hard to stop those dark thoughts and I’d probably hate and love her split 50:50 right down the middle, wouldn’t wanna touch her and would be paranoid and distrustful as fuck UNTIL she showed she was serious and time put some distance between the “bad thing” and the present, which is the more difficult aspect to manage.
I would also resent her heavily for making me have to even feel all those barriers at all, and for making me feel like something that was there - innocence, trust, some indefinable good thing - is now gone and never coming back.
That little rotten bit in the love that will will now always be there regardless how much time or repair happens afterwards: the innocence I had towards her I guess that is - impossible to get back after something like that, just as a virgin can never be unfucked once they’ve been fucked, for lack of a more eloquent phrase.
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I don’t want to take sides or cause trouble but therapists can be some of the most confused people I’ve met. It’s no surprise they are attracted to the profession. But…that said, I have one friend who is a family therapist and he’s a solid guy. No confusion there. But one time his first wife was cheating on him and he hired a detective to follow her to confirm his suspicions. He was right. Long story short, they both remarried and are friends now.
Everyone has marital problems at some point. Where you take it from here is up to the both of you. If she doesn’t want to “come around” and talk then you’ll have to take the reigns and take care of yourself. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this, it hurts, it sucks but glad you sought out a support system.
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I agree and it takes a lot of compassion and understanding.
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I’ve never seen a therapist of any kind in my life.
Psychology is based on statistics and objective observations over years of research: apart from the fact the human brain is a lot more organic than a broken computer, the idea that some well meaning douche in a suit could possibly point out anything about myself that I haven’t already considered at least a dozen times, is laughable to me.
Moreover, human emotions are organic and emotion is almost always the problem and a problem that needs to be resolved internally in the end - no matter who is babbling self-care slogans at you from a book or even their own experience.
Nobody elses experience is ever my experience after all, so there’s little point my listening: people can say things that’re comforting, but comforting only goes so far.
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I appreciate a little comfort in times of need but like you say, in the end it is you who must take the horse by the reigns and guide your life. I like the Chinese story about the first psychologist who was very famous for helping her patients. She was once asked, how do you do it, what do you say? Her answer was, “Nothing”. 
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Awesome! Sometimes the effort to make it work is worth it. We are also learning to be friends again. The intimacy part is still on the back burner tho. My issue, not hers. Thank you for sharing.
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