Memes, Jokes, Riddles

I think they’re part of the IRS. Can’t forget anything!

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Man with hole in pocket, feel cocky all day.
Confucious

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He needed to fill his bowl with some shit which actually made sense.

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Ain’t that the truth!

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Is finding out after 4 years of marriage that your spouse sucked hundreds of dicks a big deal or is my wife overreacting?

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Just you repeating yourself.

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Good thing that never happened to you :laughing:

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How do you tell if your roommate is gay?
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His dick tastes like shit!

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What do you call a boat full of penises and potatoes? A Dictatorship

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‘Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house
The whole damn family was drunk as a louse.
My Mom in a whore house
My Dad in jail
So I settled down with a nice piece of tail.
When out on the lawn I heard such a clatter
I sprang from my sister to see what’s the matter.
And on the lawn what did appear
was a rusty old sleigh and 8 mangy reindeer.
“On to the rooftops, On to the walls, On you bastards or I’ll cut off your balls”
I knew in a moment it was St Nick cuz the little old man was whippin his dick.
He filled all the stockings with pretzels and beer
And a rubber dick for the family queer.
Then he said as he rode out of sight
“Piss on you all and to all a good night”

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+1 @TorturedZen.

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@TorturedZen WOW !!! Who knew a Therapy Dog could suffer vicarious trauma. Great pic !!

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Dexter Holland wasn’t always lead singer of the Offspring

Long ago he was in the seafood industry. He had a job shucking oysters for a restaurant. Anyway, one day he sees an ad for a competition in oyster shucking, but it is a team challenge. He shows up solo, and knows he won’t be let in. His confidence is low at this point, but he still signs up. The attendant notices he only writes down one name, and asks why, to which Dexter replies:

“I’m just a shucker with no shellfish team”

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download

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Man with hard-on at airport is going to Bangkok…

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I am happy to pay for that line to be on your tombstone.

My own took ages to approve, “He was a hard man to ignore but worth the effort”.

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